That was us then. We had so many rad ass times together! Just because I am a boozer does not mean my heart is less bruised than my liver. I suspect the two damaged organs combined will be the end for me. I will keep working that liver on overtime at minimum wage to heal my broken heart.
Boozers try to communicate, but sometimes their stories end and sometimes my eyeballs start to leak. Sometime their mouth's hemorrhage cruel and irrevocable words. Experiencing leaking eyeballs is much different from experiencing bleeding eyeballs.
Leaking eyeballs are far more painful and seem to last forever. Leaking eyeballs is a sophisticated syndrome that kills, so do not be fooled by the amazing buzz you get and think will help. LES (Leaking Eyeball Syndrome) and booze do not get along, but, I always take the risk just in case I can prove science wrong. There is no immediate cure for LES and once the affliction has begun, there is no dark closet private enough. LES is sometimes caused by death, dissolution, mourning the loss of sweet motorcycles hastily sold to pay rent, loss of your adorably evil cat, and most obviously, realizing that you stupidly ran out of booze and cannot get anymore immediately.
Bleeding eyeballs let you know that you did a great job ya fuckin' boozing cunt! Congrats! Your eyeballs feel like they have a fine sand and salt mixture in them and even the most powerful eyedrops you douse them with offers no relief. There is rarely any coincidence that the afflicted must be in public with these bleeding orbs within 15 minutes of realizing this horrific condition. Sunglasses may or may not be a valuable resource.
THE WORST SCENARIO!
Drunkards might find themselves battling BOTH conditions! Many times a boozer can find themselves paralyzed by the cracked, bruised, and broken ribs from that aggressive, stupid fucking shitty ass stump that attacks them at 3:15amISH. This scenario combined with endless nagging, both from your bladder and the soulless cunt that needs you to fix something or else, can lead to a situation when bleeding eyeballs experience leaking simultaneously. THIS SUCKS!!! Think about this: You cannot move, breathe, or even bitch. You have to pee really bad. Your handler won't bring you booze or to the toilet and say's there are people coming to physically remove you from your own house! FUCK!!! Then you hear the opportunistic religious cults relentlessly banging at your door when your boozed head is already splitting. Never mind the endlessly ringing phone calls from bill collectors that got ya here because now, you really just want two handles of whiskey, or 20 Four Locos, or 3 bottles of Champagne, or 15 Mickey's Big Mouths, really, just whatever it takes to be in bliss. Two tears in a bucket, mother fuck it... Life is tough. Liquor, beer, and wine are easier. When is the last time you listened to Public Enemy? Now is the best answer now.
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